Medical professional across the United States have to accept their part in the current opioid epidemic that threatens to turn many into the next cautionary tale in a classic after-school special.
It has been well documented that doctors were quicker to pull out their prescription pads than the quickest gun in the west during a high-noon shoot out because of aggressive marketing by Big Pharma to get their products into the hands of consumers. However, it seems that many doctors are now rethinking that.
“I got into all this doctoring stuff because I wanted to help people,” said Dr. Karl Beatnick, “and when a lot of patients turned up dead because of opioid overdoses, I started to think, ‘Am I doing a good job?’” The answer of course was no. “It’s really hard to help the patients that died,” continued Dr. Beatnick, “I mean, I tried to give them prescriptions, but their death was so severe that they couldn’t even get them filled. It was sad, mostly for me because I don’t get paid if Big Pharma doesn’t ship those scripts.”
Luckily most doctors are no longer giving out opioids like a student, who had enough for the whole class, hands out gum not because of the money but because of their duty of care. Big Pharma is none too happy with any of these people. “Quitters, the whole lot of them” said one representative. “We have spent so much time and money grooming them to do what we wanted, and they just throw it away because a few people are dying. WEAK!”
While Big Pharma may see these doctors as weak, the patients are reacting well to the change. Well, after the withdrawal symptoms finally subside.
This is a satirical guest post by Scott Black, family man, broadcaster, screenwriter, comedian, slightly warm body, former pro wrestler. All views and opinions are Scott’s and those of one deranged ox.
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